The Baby That Wasn't

We discovered I was pregnant on October first. We were shocked and thrilled.
We want a fourth and why not now?
Throughout the pregnancy, something felt "off". We had many ultrasounds since I am still breastfeeding our 14 month old and haven't had a cycle to be able to date the pregnancy. The early ultrasounds showed little development beyond a yolk.  At my nine week appointment we knew it was non viable. It was a blighted ovum.
Left with the decision to have a D&C or finish out the pregnancy naturally, we chose to take our grief home and let my body take care of itself.  Development stopped at seven weeks so I should have little trouble completing the miscarriage unassisted. We were told it could take several weeks for my body to realize this pregnancy is over. We began to worry about time. What if we began the emotional healing process and then had to start over, weeks later, when my body caught up?  Thankfully, that was not the case. My final ultrasound was Thursday and I began miscarrying Friday afternoon. We did not know what to expect, but we guessed it would be somewhat similar to labor, just on a smaller scale. Friday was not physically difficult, just emotionally.
We began Saturday morning a little afraid of what was to come. The kids seemed anxious and tired of being cooped up in the house so we decided we would try walking around the park to bring on labor. I made red raspberry leaf tea to go and we spent a lovely morning walking and reflecting and loving each other. Soaking in the present moment. We came home and put the baby down for a nap and I started on some sewing projects to take my mind off things. All the while, noticing contractions. I finally had to get in the shower where I realized it was time. I stayed in the shower for as long as I could and soon after experienced intense labor pains until all was passed.
Now, I feel empty.
These past two months have been full of uncertainty and worry. Now we feel we can finally grieve and begin healing.